Desperation is the feeling that comes around when there’s nothing new to play. So I thought, why not an old game? One I hadn’t played in years? Why not Quake?

The last time had been on my 486, so yeah, it’s been awhile. Quake had run fairly well, provided the resolution wasn’t too high, like 640×480, I think it was. Just a little stiff, maybe, except for the zombies.

You remember those: you could kill them only by blowing them apart with grenades or rockets. Ah yes, it was an experience, watching limbs and body parts waltzing through the air. Although that was more like 1/4 time than 3/4. Wheee!

Anyway, I wondered what it would be like to play it on a much faster machine with a 256-meg video card. Boy, I bet I could get a really high resolution now!

So I dug out the Quake case and found Quake II inside, which went unnoticed until I tried installing the game and read the “readme”. Oh. Wrong game.

Fortunately, the original was in the Quake II case. So I switched CDs and put Quake in the drive. And immediately up comes a message: “Can’t install Quake under Windows NT”. Urp. Hey, this is XP! Oh yeah, MS changed the letters on the old OS and sold it to us as something new. How could I forget that?

My next step was to search online for a patch or workaround. The results were depressing, as there seemed to be no way to get the original to work decently (if at all) under XP. I did come across references to something called “winQuake”, but, as I vaguely recall now, it had some problems of its own.

After a dismal week, I went pawing through what’s left of my collection (neatly stored in a CD carousel; don’t ask where the manuals are). Surely, there must be something here. And yes, I did come up with a game.

I hesitate to name it. You will grin. You will smirk. You will snigger. You will laugh out loud. But I don’t care. I’m tough! I can take it (as soon as I find the cheat for god mode, anyway).

It was (ahem) Sierra’s 3D Ultra Minigolf Deluxe. Yes, miniature golf. Not exactly on a par (haha) with Quake. But by gosh, unlike Creep Night Pinball, it installed and plays perfectly well on my system. Which is more than I can say for me.

Of course, not having played this since the days of the P166, I was a trifle rusty. So what if my score for the front nine holes was 68? So what if I ran up a 73 on the back nine? At least I got the chance to hit something!!

Thus desperation doth make duffers of us all….