(And now, the moment you’ve been waiting for: the conclusion of The Mokor Letters)

Subject: Post-game wrapup

Good evening, sports fans. This is Your Announcer bringing you an exclusive post-game interview with Mokor, the Nerevarine/Hortator/World Savior/Deli clerk. He’s had a little rest after his mighty exertions, and now he’s ready to face the nation and tell all.

Mokor The Invincible and his fancy sword!YA: So Mokor, how does it feel to be finished?

Mokor: Feels *bleeping* good, YA.

YA: Bet you’re glad there’s no more sewers, eh?

Mokor: Sewers. *Bleeping* sewers. Don’t mention those *bleep* sewers, okay?

YA: Sure thing, Mokor. What did you think of the Morrowind province?

Mokor: I’ll tell YA, there’s a lot of strange *bleeps* out there. Take Balmora. Rains a lot there. Not just rain, but *bleeping* thunderstorms. And here are all these *bleep* idiots walking around like the sun is shining. Not even umbrellas. And Ald’ruhn. They get these *bleeping* dust storms. You think people stay inside? *Bleep* no. They walk around like nothing is happening. Buncha dumb *bleeps*.

YA: Yes, they do sound a little strange, at that.

Mokor: But that ain’t the worst, YA. These *bleeps*, they can’t shut up. You just walk near them, that’s all, just *bleeping* near them, and they start in. “Can I help you, Breton?” “What do you want, outlander?” Like that. All the time. Guards are the worst, especially in Mournhold. One time out of ten, these *bleeps” say “Justice never sleeps”. The OTHER nine times it’s “Mournhold! City of Light! City of Magic!”. *Bleeping* *bleep* *bleep*! You know how many *bleep* times I heard that *bleep* *bleep* from them? Too *bleep* many.

YA: I can see where they might get on your nerves, Mokor.

Mokor: YA, but that ain’t the worst, either. These *bleeps* got no brains at all. I mean none. They stand there in the middle of a *bleeping* bridge, or a narrow passage, or a doorway. And they don’t *bleeping* move! “Do you want something, Breton?” “YES! Move your *bleeping* *bleep* out of the way, you stupid *BLEEP*! MOVE IT!! *BLEEP*”.

YA: It’s okay, Mokor. Calm down, it’s all over now.

Mokor: Sorry about that, YA. Still kinda gets to me when I think about it.

YA: Tell us about the big one, Mokor. Your showdown with Dagoth Ur.

Mokor: Well YA, turned out to be something of a *bleep* letdown. Sure, he couldn’t be touched while that *bleeping* heart was intact. But it was pretty *bleep* easy to chop that *bleeping* thing up, and after that, Daggy was just another *bleep* wimp. Had no trouble at all.

YA: So what Neat Items did he have on him?

Mokor: Dunno, YA. Really. You know what happens in every *bleeping* game, right? You kill the *bleeping* Big Dude, and right away, the whole *bleep* *bleeping* place starts falling apart. So I just ran the *bleep* outta there. Didn’t wanna be *bleeping* buried alive, y’know?

YA: Tough luck there. Mokor, there’s a rumor that on your way out, you had a vision of the Great Lady, Azura herself. Is that true?

Mokor: YA, sure did. Wish these *bleep* apparitions could talk a little more clearly. Stupid *bleeping* echo effects. Could hardly make out what the *bleep* she said. Did catch something about a “burden being lifted” from me. Didn’t feel any *bleeping* lighter, though.

YA: So anyway, Mokor, when you had united the Four Tribes and the Three Houses, did you lead them in an assault on Red Mountain?

Mokor: YA, no way. Been wondering about all that *bleep*. Jumped through so many *bleeping* hoops to get these guys in….and then nothing. *Bleeping* nothing. They all just sat around on their *bleep* *bleeps*. Had to do that *bleeping* mountain on my *bleeping* own. Why did I have to bother about those *bleeps*? Stupid *bleeping* prophecies!

YA: But at least you had united Morrowind, right?

Mokor: YA, you’d *bleeping* think so. Didn’t make a *bleep* worth of difference I could see. Went round afterwards. Lotta those *bleeps* didn’t even know what happened. And the ones who did? Did they say “Great work, Mokor”? Did they say “Wonderful Mokor, you have saved the world”? *Bleeping* no! “You offed Dagoth Ur, but you thought so before. Maybe he’ll be back”. Like he was a *bleeping* Terminator or something. That’s the *bleeping* thanks I get.

YA: Mokor, thanks for being here with us tonight. Do you have any parting words for us?

Mokor: YA, just one *bleeping* thing: I ever hear about any more prophecies, I’m gonna cut my own *bleeping* throat first.

And that’s a wrap, sports fans.